optimism girl

optimism girl

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8.18.25
I used to feel like being sensitive was a bad thing, like it was a trait of mine I needed to apologize to people for. I cry at the drop of a hat its true, but I don't try to make it anyone's problem or responsibilty to make me feel better. I don't expect that at all, and I'm old enough and learned enough about myself that I'm pretty good at self regulating. I don't know, I don't like to make people uncomfortable and I know seeing someone cry at something that wouldn't make them cry can make people uncomfortable. I understand maybe there are other people in the world who might use it as a way to get out of accountability or something. I feel like I overexplain myself too much because I don't want people to view me negatively. Somehow this year I started to embrace that part of myself. I don't think that I want to view my sensitivy as a flaw anymore. Why can't I be visibly sad when I see something that makes me sad? Why is it always me who has to accomodate the "it's not that serious" or "I think you're taking this too seriously/thinking too much about this" folks. Why can't I take things seriously? Why do I need to swallow the lump in my throat just so you don't roll your eyes at me? If I see or hear something that makes me feel sad or that I think it's mean spirited I'll just say it, and if someone's reaction is to be annoyed and get defensive then doesn't that mean they are endorsing the mean behavior and now they are annoyed they are getting called out in a sense? I'm just not the type of person to laugh along I guess. Maybe I'm a crybaby, or an annoying "sjw" type but I don't really care anymore. People who respect me and care about me don't seem to think it's a flaw. I don't want to be just tolerated, I want to be embraced. I want to feel unashamed instead of like a silly girl. I should stand up for myself or just let people go in my life who make me feel so small.


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